Apologies for the rough writing.
Dosed ~75ug of 1P-LSD in the early afternoon. Outside was a warm and sunny day.
Proceeded to cook a meal for later, then went back to my room and listened to the Grateful Dead for around 4 hours, which was extremely relaxing and pleasant. Somehow convinced myself that I’m sober, though now I can see my headspace was quite out of the normal, but it was just that I was very calm and mostly not thinking about anything, so I didn’t notice it. I was very centered on just being in the present.
On the third hour I started smoking pot through my pipe, taking 2-3 draws every 10-15 minutes. This intensified the visuals and somehow made my thinking less clear. Around the 4th hour I was manically laughing my ass off while reading an article on politics. I thought that if there was a way to transmit and project consciousness similar to how you can transmit image and sound through a TV, then even receiving the dullest person’s consciousness would be a mind blowing experience. I laughed at myself for how ‘deep’ I was.
Then suddenly I started experiencing severe dissociation. I felt as if I’m an observer of my own life, felt quite separated from my body, started losing sense of self, had trouble recalling memories, started forgetting that I was on a drug or thinking that somehow it had weared off and began obsessing over the ‘fact’ that I’ll be stuck with this feelings and thought patterns forever in a sentiment similar to “once you seen , can’t be unseen”. I started losing the concept of language and had trouble forming thoughts. Nothing made any sense. Reality, my self and my existence seemed so surreal and arbitrary. I was having a nihilistic existential crisis. I tried to embrace it, but anxiety was slowly creeping on me until it turned into pure terror and desperation. I was worried that I may have finally lost it and that I had a psychotic break and would never come back from this experience. Felt guilty that I have failed the people who care about me by going insane. I started ‘seeing’ myself as if my body was moving on fast-forward. I opened some “Live on KEXP” video playlist on YouTube as it is usually helpful in bringing me back to reality, lowered the volume, left a note to myself, lied down on my bed and closed my eyes completely overwhelmed by fear.
That helped a lot. I don’t remember exactly what happened in the next 3 hours it was like I was having a nap but could never fully fall asleep due to brain zaps. I can’t recall what I was thinking about. When I finally woke up 3 hours later I was more or less back to baseline, but still a little shaken and with slight feelings of derealization/depersonalization and occasional anxious thoughts that I’ve traumatized myself.
All in all I think this confusion and paranoia was brought up by the pot. I’ve never had such a dissociative episode even on more than double that dose of 1P-LSD.
At the time of this writing, it’s the 10th hour and it feels like the drug has weared off and only slight dissociation is present, which should be gone by tomorrow or the day after. I plan to take a break from psychedelics and never mix LSD or any other psychs with weed again. Weed by itself makes me paranoid.
This is the pathetic and overly dramatic note I left to myself before lying down on the 4th hour. It makes me cringe every time
- Need to stop
- Work on it!
- Don’t come back until you’ve worked your ass off!
Thank me later!
Update: After a good night’s sleep I’m completely back to normal.